Train up a Child...

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
Proverbs 22:6

OK, this one is for parents… I love being a father. I’m 31 years old and taking the crash- course in parenting. I have five children under five years old. Yep—my kids are five, four, three, two, and one. Two boys and three girls…can you imagine what it’ll be like when they’re all teenagers at the same time, experimenting with life’s options and dating at the same time? If it’s true that small children have small problems and big kids have big problems, then in 10 years I’m going to fake my own death and move to Tahiti! Growing up in this world of ungodly values and immoral lifestyles, our kids are already facing difficult challenges and it’s our responsibility as parents to give them a solid foundation upon which they can build their lives, dreams, and convictions. I find great comfort in this wonderful proverb: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Now as much as I’d love for this verse of scripture to be a guaranteed promise of perfect Christian children as long as we raise them in a godly home, I know it doesn’t always work that way. Many godly parents in the Bible had sons and daughters who did not walk with the Lord. But I do know that the principle of preparing the soil for the seed of the gospel can and should start when a child is young. And I believe that the promise of this scripture verse is that if a child learns to turn from sin and trust in Jesus when he is young, then as he grows old he will not depart from his Savior because God has already set him apart for His own glory.

Since we know that only the Holy Spirit can actually transform our children from the cute little “me-centered” people that they are, into God loving, God fearing, followers of Christ, the question is: “What should I be doing as a parent? How can I “train my child” in the “way he should go” so that he or she will continue on God’s path and become a life-long follower of Jesus Christ?”

While there are many great books on the subject (Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Ted Tripp is our favorite and we refer to it regularly), here is a simple suggestion that has been working very well with our children.

Deut. 6:1-7 – “These are the commandments which the Lord your God commanded you…And you shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise up.” This means, in simple terms, teach your children the 10 Commandments so that they know them backwards and forwards. This isn’t to improve their memory or to help them win an Awana contest; it is to awaken their conscience and prepare the soil of their hearts for the life-giving seed of the gospel.

A personal understanding of the Moral Law of God is foundational for anyone (including our children) to become a Christian. God commanded Abraham that he teach it to his children for a reason. Here’s why— The Bible says in Galatians 3:24, “The Law is our schoolmaster to lead us to Christ.” So God’s Moral Law (summed up in the 10 Commandments) is a schoolmaster to lead us (and our children) to Jesus Christ. Here’s how it works:

1. We know that in order for a child (as well as an adult) to be saved, he or she must turn from their sin and trust in Jesus to save them. If our children are going to personally turn from their sin, they must know what his or her sin is.

2. The 10 Commandments show your child what sin is.

• Romans 3, verse 19 says, “By the Law is the knowledge of sin."
• 1 John 3:4 says, “Sin is transgression of the Law.”
• Paul says in Romans 7:7, “I would not have known what sin was except through the Law.”
• So Paul is saying that he wouldn’t have known what sin was unless the Law (10 Commandments) showed him. The 10 Commandments are what made Paul understand that he had sinned against God, helped him see that he was spiritually “dead”, and in need of God’s forgiveness and new life. (See Romans 7:7-12)
• The 10 Commandments are like a mirror. They reveal that our hearts are dirty and in need of cleansing. What would you and I do if we didn’t have a mirror to look into each morning? Without a mirror, we’d never know whether our face was clean or dirty. In the same way, only when we look into the mirror of the 10 Commandments can we see that our heart is dirty and in desperate need of cleansing. Once they understand that they are guilty of sin, they are able (with the help of the Holy Spirit) to turn to Jesus to wash that sin away.

3. Simply go through the 10 Commandments with your children, explain what each one means, and ask them if they’ve kept it or broken it (maybe not the 7th one if your child is too young). “Have you ever told a lie? Have you ever taken something that you knew didn’t belong to you? Have you always honored and obeyed your Dad and Mom? Have you always loved God more than the things He’s given you (like toys, family, and friends)?” Your children will see very quickly that they have broken these Commandments. You may notice that they even feel guilty. That’s good, because they are guilty—and closer to the Kingdom of God than ever before! Now that they understand exactly how they’ve sinned against God and angered Him in the process, they can see their dilemma and need for God’s forgiveness. Now, the good news about Jesus taking their punishment for them on the cross will make sense.

• “God demonstrated His own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)
• “For God so loved the world, that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in him will not perish, but have everlasting life.” (John 3:16)

Once our children have a keen understanding of their sin, they can now begin to appreciate the great, matchless, and incomprehensible love of God. We know God loves us not because of a warm fuzzy feeling he gives us; we know God loves us because of what He did for us on the cross. He laid down His own life for us so that we could be forgiven and born again! We broke the Law and Jesus paid our fine—it’s as simple as that.

4. Since there can be no salvation without God-given repentance, if our children don’t eventually see their need for God’s forgiveness, they can’t repent, and without repentance, they cannot be saved. Even a child has a conscience and knows basic right from wrong. Repentance is simply a determination to turn away from what is wrong. If you’re worried about frightening your child by talking about the seriousness of his or her sin, I’ve found that my own children are remarkably capable of handling this…because their conscience tells them that it’s true and they know that their Mom and Dad and God love them very much and are willing to forgive them. We must first convince them of the disease of sin before they will appreciate the cure of Jesus. Remind them that if they will surrender their hearts to Jesus, God will also give them a “new heart” and help them to begin to love and obey Him like never before.

Last night, my 4 year old daughter Isabella started crying very hard and explained that Jack (her five year old brother) had pushed her off the top of her baby brother’s crib and hurt her head. Jack, with a look of complete shock and confusion, said, “I didn’t do anything. She just fell all by herself. I think I might have scared her or something.” As we comforted Isabella, I asked my son very directly, “Did you push your sister and make her fall?” Jack stood firm and denied any culpability. My wife also asked Jack if he was lying or telling the truth. Jack again said he did not push his sister.

I asked both children to wait in their rooms for me to come talk with them. As I spoke with Jack, I told him that I was going to ask him one more question. I told him that if he was honest and told me the truth, he would not be in trouble. But if he did not tell me the truth, he would be in BIG trouble. He replied with, “What if I’ve already not told you the truth?” I told him that he must tell me the truth now, regardless of what he’s already told me. Jacked looked down at the floor, wrinkled up his face, and began squirming in his chair like a worm on a hook. He knew I was serious and he was now engaged in a wrestling match with his conscience.

Jack finally confessed, “Yes. I pushed her.” I told him to tell his mother what he had told me. I took three minutes to discuss the seriousness of lying. It was one of the Commandments that Jack knew so well. We talked about the fact that when he lies to his dad and mom, he is also lying to Jesus. We talked about the fact that in order to lie, Jack had to turn away from Jesus to do it. I tried, as best as I could, to stir up his God-given conscience and help him see the seriousness of his deceit in the eyes of God. I told Jack that a deceitful heart is rotten in God’s eyes and that’s why he needs the new heart that Jesus can give him. I showed him how to kneel in prayer when you’re really sorry and told him I was going to leave him to be alone with Jesus so that he could talk to him and ask for His forgiveness. I left Jack’s room and closed the door (except for a crack through which I could hear him praying.)

Jack got on his knees and I could hear him say, “Dear God, I’m sorry I lied to my mommy and daddy and You. I pushed my sister off the crib. Will you please forgive me? Will you please take the trash out of my heart and give me a new heart? And please keep it clean and pure all the time so I don’t do sinful things. I ask this in Jesus’ name. Amen.”

I, a father in tears outside his door, was thanking God for making repentance and faith something that even a child can understand. I don’t know if my son has been born again, but God does, and I take comfort in His promise that He will be faithful to anyone who calls upon His name.

There is a book on this website that will help you to teach your children the 10 Commandments. It’s called “Evidence for Kids” and is available on the store page of this website. This book uses cartoons and funny examples to show kids how wonderful and amazing God’s love is, how trustworthy the Bible is, and how important it is to know Jesus. I highly recommend it and keep it near our own kitchen table at home. Our kids love when we pull out the book and ask, “Who can tell me the 5th Commandment? (a personal favorite of mine :-) )” They all shout out the answer, remembering the funny pictures in “Evidence for Kids”.

May God bless you as you tackle each day’s parenting challenges. And let’s never forget to enjoy our children…because soon they will be as old as we are!